The Complications of Tradition

My husband and I returned from my in-laws' house in the northeast yesterday. (Dial-up does not inspire much blogging; hence the week+ long silence. Hope I didn't lose you.) Turns out plane tickets are cheaper if you fly on holidays.

Fortunately, we got home early enough to spend the evening at the home of a couple of good friends of ours. Bizarrely, we've known these people for less than a year, but we clicked. It's nice to find people that you're comfortable with almost immediately. And we both are, with both of them. Doesn't happen that often.

But it does happen frequently enough, if you look at the course of your lifetime. And occasions like New Year's Eve (and Thanksgiving actually), when it's a holiday, but not necessarily a family-centered one, get me thinking about something I think I would like to be able to do. I love to daydream about having all our good friends all come together once a year or so at the same time, for a few days. Lots of good, but easy food, hanging out, games, music, what-have-you... It would be such a great mix of people.

The thing is that our friends are spread out all over the country. So for something like this to happen would require schedule-coordination we're probably not going to see this side of Jordan. But I like to dream about it. I think it comes from another family's tradition that I was briefly marginally aware of in my childhood. It just seemed like such a beautiful thing.

But then I got to thinking... I really like all these people that we would invite. (Well, okay, there might be some of my husband's friends there that would annoy me, but I could escape them mostly...) But mostly what I like about them is having one-on-one conversations. I mean, I like to play board games, but that is not the foundation of most of my friendships. So even while I like to daydream about this scenario, it's possible it would really be a nightmare: So many people, all of whom I'd like to talk to, but with too many of them present at one time to be able to talk to any one of them for real.

The more I think about it, the more I realize it would probably be a big let-down. Which leaves me with the option of making arrangements on a year-by-year basis to see one or two friends at a time, spreading them out over the years, hoping to stay in touch even when we don't see each other. It doesn't create a tradition, but it might make for deeper friendships. Especially since, unlike people in movies, my friends and I have budgets which do not include lots of plane tickets and week-long rentals of beach houses.

So maybe tradition isn't all it's cracked up to be. It can become constricting and controlling and a burden, after all. I guess I'll just wait to get all these people together to hang out in heaven, and for now, just enjoy them the way I enjoy them -- one on one.

Perhaps my New Year's resolution will be to reflect on the friendships that are important to me and make sure I am investing in them in ways that will strengthen them to be able to withstand the distance that separates us. And to enjoy the ones that are right here at hand.

Happy New Year!