Hypocrisy or Sensitivity?

I think I've mentioned that I've finally found an exercise routine that is getting me moving twice a week. As per all those articles you read about how to do that, it involves a Walking Buddy. My WB happens to be an Episcopal priest. We are having a great time multi-tasking: exercise and colleague time. Work out and theological reflection.

So yesterday, I forget in what context, WB stated that you shouldn't do things outside of church that you wouldn't do at church. And her example, as traditionally shared with youth groups, was that if you don't cuss at church you shouldn't cuss outside of church.

I had to respond, because I do, in fact, cuss outside of church and try not to in church. To be technical, I frequently cuss at church too, just not when other people besides my husband are around. Does this make me a hypocrite?

I argued - biblically - that it does not. My basis is Romans 14, where Paul writes about whether or not to eat meat sacrificed to idols. If you know that the idols are meaningless and nonexistent, he says, then you know that it doesn't matter if the meat was set on their altar before you eat it. On the other hand, there may be people in your community who are not as secure in their belief that the idols don't exist, who may be harmed or led astray by your eating that meat. So be sensitive, Paul says.

That is pretty much the way I feel about cussing. I don't really feel like "cuss words" are bad. Most of them, for me, have practically nothing to do with their technical meaning. They are ways of expressing strong emotion, which makes them very satisfying. Like meat. That is why I use them.

But I don't use them in front of most of my congregation because I understand that they have a different sensibility about "cuss words" than I do. Some of their perspectives I find a little ridiculous, but I try to respect them anyway. Words are powerful. Humanity has known this for centuries. But words are also just words. What makes the difference, in many cases, is intent.

Even I am on a spectrum. There are certain "cuss words" that I do not use because their literal meaning is too present for me and I don't want to say that. For instance, I try to avoid invoking God's eternal punishment on anything. Because that one has always been an issue for me, I've managed not to get in the habit of saying it. If I had, that might be a problem.

I will also admit that there was a phase in my life when "cuss words" were used to try to convince people (probably including myself) that I was cooler than you might assume. That was, in theory, an unhealthy phase, though I might argue, an inevitable and relatively harmless one. I'm pretty sure I'm over that now, though I've seen clergy and college professors who don't appear to be.

So is it convincing? Am I being sensitive to people with different (I won't even say weaker, like Paul does) belief systems than mine? Or am I a hypocrite because I am "different" in church than I am outside church? I'm not sure.

WB tried to invoke Jesus as a higher authority over Paul. And yes, Jesus talked about your soul being clean based on what comes out of your mouth. But I'm pretty sure he was talking about kind and true words instead of cruel or dishonest ones, not colorful ones. Other than that, I can't think of where he addressed it. And truthfully, I don't really think he'd care a whole lot.

Paul's letter seems the most instructive to me on this particular issue, and possibly on other "hypocrisy" issues you might be dealing with, drinking, dancing. But does it rest on an "what they don't know can't hurt them" argument? Because that definitely feels like a slippery slope. Perhaps one of the reasons I don't feel like a hypocrite with my congregation about cussing is because I'm pretty sure they know I do it. I don't try to hide it. I occasionally reference my foul mouth, without actually exhibiting it. Perhaps secrecy is the key here. Can you be a hypocrite if you're not trying to keep a secret? Is the key to sensitivity avoiding pushing something in people's faces but being willing to explain your understanding if anyone asks, without trying to hide the truth?