If Fear is the Opposite of Love, then Jealousy is Often Its Expression

There is a young boy. Maybe he's 10; maybe he's 12. He used to be six and four. He never knew his biological father, but he does have a dad, an adoptive step-dad.

But what is a dad, really? The young boy is told he isn't smart, that he's stupid and a retard. When his grades improve, he's told he doesn't have common sense, so he's still stupid and a retard.

The young boy is never allowed to explain his side of things when something comes up that is likely to get him in trouble. And he's never allowed to cry.

He has two younger brothers, who are the children of his mother and his step-dad. They mimic the father and call him the same names, without reprimand. They get to go in his room to do whatever they want. They are encouraged where he is ignored, ridiculed and punished.

The young boy has one person in his life that he can talk to, his great-gramma. Everything I know about him, I know through her, so who knows if his situation is really so dire? But why would a granny make such things up? What will happen when she's gone?

I would like to offer that my husband and I could take a more active role in the young boy's life, but I'm not sure that would work.

Is it something about the child not being "his" that makes this father behave this way? Is there an unsettledness, a sense that there was something before him, that has festered into this passive and not so passive aggression?

I do believe that fear is the opposite of love. And jealousy is rooted in fear. Parents are cruel to children when they are threatened by them. Of course, as you say, there is no sensible reason for a parent to be threatened by a child. But sometimes it happens.

If the child had other adults "on his side" it could make it even worse, since the threat would then become about who is influencing the child. Though it might be worth it. But again, what happens when we're gone?

The young boy has told his granny that his father doesn't love him. Many children, no doubt, say such things, but most of them don't mean it. It is not right that such a young boy should have to have figured this out so early. I wish that he could see his life from the perspective he might have 20 years from now. "My dad didn't love me, but I survived anyway." You see all the time, in Dear Abby, people who have come through such slow trauma and broken free and eventually thrived. But how can he know that now?

The world is broken. There are children with no food, no water, no school. But there are also children who have all those things, but not the love they need to thrive. At least not from the places they most need it.

Let us pray for all the children of the world.