The weirdest thing has happened to me recently. I've been feeling compelled repeatedly to say "bless your heart" or "bless her heart", etc., in totally sincere ways (that is, not in the passive agressive way that uses it as a way of supposedly excusing the saying of rude things about someone). I'm saying it because I mean it.
It's not that I'm opposed to this. It's just that it's never felt natural to me before. It's always felt a little affected or forced or in some way uncharacteristic of me and therefore not the thing for me to say.
Except now it doesn't. It's like something shifted internally and I'm somehow a slightly different person. The first couple times I had the inclination to say it, I didn't, because I was so surprised by the impulse and didn't trust it. Then I started trying it out and was shocked at how okay it felt. I'm pretty sure it's a good thing, because it feels like it leans toward sympathy, which I've never been very good at. I have no idea what prompted it or if it will last.
I don't think it's that the South suddenly conquered me. I caught myself thinking about "fixing" to do something over seven years ago. If that happened (which I never thought would and I shuddered when it did), this would have happened a lot sooner, if it were a developing-new-habits-of-speech thing. But it's not.
Is it possible to just wake up one day and be a nicer person? Without even trying? Did my snarkiness subscription expire? Did my fetish-like preference for people being strong and taking care of themselves, thus not requiring my sympathy, suddenly grow weary of itself?
I'm pretty sure this is what we call Grace. I'm a fan.
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